Quote, Unquote

A couple of days ago, I lost the ring an ex-boyfriend gave me. I had worn it for 5 years and it had grown a part of me. Since the time I started wearing it, I couldn’t leave the house without it; I felt naked when it wasn't on my finger. Although my then-boyfriend and I broke up the same year he gave the ring to me, I kept on wearing it and even made a vow to myself that I will not take it off…only the guy who’s worthy of my love shall remove and replace it with another. For five years, it remained on my finger.

2009 (I couldn't find a picture of me wearing the ring in 2008)

I had attempted to throw it away for several times the year past believing my ex put a jinx on it for my ditching him. haha. Unfortunately, I failed every time. So again, I planned to get rid of it in Singapore (Yes, I thought throwing it away in Singapore sounded a bit more dramatic xD). However, my last-ditch effort came to naught. When I met Gus in Singapore, he took it off my finger and gave me a cute, mischievous look. He knew about my pledge so that explained his playful look. I was surprised. I expected he’d take out a ring and put it on my finger (just as he promised when everything between us was OK), but sadly there was no ring. So I took my old one from him and put it back on. A few minutes after, while walking inside the mall, I told him, “You know, I want to throw this (ring) away.” I thought he’d approve but instead he said, “You know, you shouldn’t throw things away. You just got to move on. Just move on”. Then and there, I realized, “This guy is right”. That’s one good thing I love about Gus. He makes me realize things in an instant. So the ring stayed on my finger... for a few more days, that is.

2010. That "V" stands for Villa. :)

When I got back to Virac, it was three or maybe four days before my mind and my body allowed me go out for some sun. In a week, I only go out once, twice or maybe never. That might be hard to believe, but believe me, I’ve turned from a “sociable” into a "standoffish" type of person. But that’s another story. Anyway, the day I went out, it was a few hours after that I noticed I wasn’t wearing my ring. I tried to remember when and where I took it off but I couldn’t. When I got back home, I stared at my finger where my ring once rested and noticeably, the part where it used to be is whiter than the rest of my finger. I didn’t bother looking for the ring in my room or anywhere else inside the house. I just didn’t care anymore.

Thereafter, a realization struck me.... There are things in our life that we keep only because we are used to having them around but truth be told, we don’t really need them anymore. We are only afraid to lose them because we are so used to having them around that we think we don’t know how to live without them.

2011

Sometimes we lose things without meaning to. Same goes with people. Some people we’ve had in our lives for a long time walk away from us or maybe have already walked away but we just couldn’t let go. We think we can’t live without them, but then after a while, the reality of the situation dawns on us and we realize that we just don’t give a sh*t about them anymore and we say, “Hey, I’m OK!”. We think they complete us but as a matter of fact, we are already complete and that they’ve grown only an insubstantial part of us, which for all those years we thought we couldn’t live without. To my ring and all the memories that come with it, it's time to take a dirt nap. :D

2012

I am not sure about what significance losing my ring has in my life. Sometimes it still feels strange looking at my hand without the only piece of jewelry I’d worn for 5 years. Maybe it’s a sign that I finally have to let go of what was and look forward to what will be. However, when I think of the time Gus took it off my finger, I can’t help myself from thinking of what could have been... but this is no time for crying over spilt milk. 

Whatever its significance may be, I look at it as an opportunity to start life afresh…. An opportunity to say, quote, unquote, hey boys, I’m ready for the taking! :D

Malaysia-Singapore-Philippines: Witnessing the Differences Firsthand

During my short stay in Malaysia and Singapore, I have noticed quite a lot of differences of how things go there and here in the Philippines. Well, I am a Filipino and this is not to degrade my own kind but these are what I have observed and these are the harsh truths and if you're Pinoy, I doubt that you can or will contest. However, if you happen to dare argue with me, I will prove to you that I am not like you, by RESPECTING YOUR OPINION and SHUTTING UP.

1. LITTERING: 

Singapore is known for its cleanliness and indeed it is clean. However, in order to maintain its cleanliness, there are strict laws that must be followed regarding littering. If you're caught littering for the first time, you might have to pay a fine of up to S$1,000 (P34,000) and if you haven't learned from your first offense and stupidly made another mistake of missing the trash bin then you will be fined S$2,000. Just do the math. 

However, here in the Philippines, there are no laws as regards littering; surprisingly though, there's an anti-planking law. 

And clearly, it is a habit of Filipinos to throw their trash wherever they want; whenever they feel like. Even when there's a huge sign saying "BAWAL MAGTAPON NG BASURA DITO".

PINOY: I am going to throw my candy wrapper here! *throws like a boss*

Although parts of Malaysia looks a lot like some places in Manila, the former is way cleaner than the latter. 

On our way to LCCT:

Cyn: Tignan mo 'yung post. Kulay green pa rin.

Ali: Oo nga. Pero kung sa Manila yan, black na yan. 

2. MRT/LRT:

If you are a commuter here in the Philippines, you very well know how it is at train stations especially during rush hours. Long lines, people running up/down the escalators like they have LBM (lol), people pushing each other to get a seat inside the train as if it's a matter of life and death. But in MY and SG, I never saw such things. They patiently fall in line. They have this term "keep left" where people stay on the left side of the escalator so those who are in a hurry can pass and before they get on the train, they wait for the passengers to alight first. 

Typical scenario at LRT/MRT stations here in the Philippines.

3. DRESS CODE: 

In Malaysia, they wear just the simplest clothes except of course for the Koreans who are naturally fashionable. Malays don't care too much about whether or not their clothes are signature or are the latest trend. While here in the Philippines, it is important that you wear branded clothes. So important that we patronize counterfeit products or more commonly known as "imitations". Even with the gadgets such as phones, tablet computers, laptops, etc., Filipinos have this need and want of being "in", so even if we don't need them and even if we can't afford them in the first place, we ask money from our parents just to have what others have. And it is such a sad truth to know that parents tolerate this kind of materialism. 

While waiting for Kort and Alinah:

Cyn: Simple lang sila magdamit noh?

Ate Grace: Oo nga. Tignan mo 'yun nakaslacks lang. Wala silang pakialam masyado kung maganda ba damit nila o hindi.

Cyn: Pero kung sa Pinas yan, grabe papormahan. 

Ate Grace: Considering na third world country. 

While inside a gadget store:

Cyn: Pero hindi ba 'yon imitation (referring to Beats by Dr. Dre)

Ate Grace: Ahh hindi. Hindi sila mahilig sa imitations.

4. SENIOR CITIZENS: 

Here in the Philippines, it is customary that lolos and lolas stay inside the house to either take care of their grandchildren, to knit or sew, to feed the chickens/pigs or to simply stay at home. Well, in Singapore, we were surprised to see old people sweeping the streets, cleaning the tables at a hawker centre, pushing the trolleys and stacking them back together. They still acknowledge the capability of old people to work and earn money, which I think is a good thing because it is during this stage (seniors, 65 years onward) that they need to feel they are still worthy. As long as they can carry on with the job, then they're still allowed to work. 

However, some Singaporeans do not recognize this opportunity for their elderly of holding down a job such as cleaning toilets as a positive thing. To them it is a reflection of poor governance; that instead of investing money to help the aging community, they invest it for higher returns. 

Well, my stand on this is split. I would rather have my parents enjoy their retirement than see them work when they reach 65 years and older but I don't want them to feel unworthy as well. But of course, to feel one's worth doesn't mean one has to clean toilets and sweep the streets. But that's Singapore. :)

However, in the Philippines, it's not only the elderly population that is ignored; it is the whole impoverished community. And likewise, it roots from poor governance; that instead of investing money for these people, "THEY" "INDIVIDUALLY" invest if for their own gain. 

5. LANGUAGE:

Well, since the Philippines is the only English-speaking country in this part of the globe, it is such a torture for me to converse with Malays. Although most Malays understand English, only few of them speak the language well. They speak fast and it is almost impossible for me to understand what they say the first time, probably because of their distinctive accent. 

At the LCCT:

Guy in uniform checking my passport: "Say hi". *he said it too fast and with such a serious countenance that I thought something's wrong with my passport*

Cyn: Excuse me? 

Guy: I said say hi *then smiles*

Cyn: Oh, hello!

At Central Market buying a tote bag:

Lady: "??? 12 ringgit ??????"

Cyn: Sorry, but I don't speak English.

Lady: *smiles* Oh, ok. That's 12 ringgit. Thank you.

Cyn: Thank you. 

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY?

6. TIME:

We arrived at Menara Jaya (Butch and Ate Grace's apartment building) from LCCT at around 3AM. We talked for a while then did our bedtime rituals. So it was around 4:30 or maybe 5AM that we finally went to bed. We only had an hour of sleep because we had to ride the bus to Genting which leaves at 8. 

Ate Grace: "Dapat 10 minutes before 8, nandun na tayo"

Of course, as Filipinos who are accustomed to arriving late, we didn't seriously take the scheduled time. Filipino time nga diba? But when we got to the bus terminal 10 minutes after 8, there was no Go Genting bus waiting for us. A Malay taxi driver said the bus already left and offered to drive us to Genting for RM20 each (P280 each). We had no other choice but to take his offer. We tried our luck with the next bus but the driver did not accommodate us. So we took Murad's taxi instead. 

Meanwhile:

Butch: Uncle, we pay you only 15. There's 5 of us.

Murad: No. Road is hard. Place too high.

Alinah: Uncle, 15 only please.

Kort: Uncle, if you go to the Philippines we'll give you discount.

Ate Grace: First time here in Malaysia. Please only 15.

Murad: No. *smiles*

Ate Grace: Tumae pa kasi si Kurt!

Here's Murad: 

And here we are inside his taxi:

Malays are serious about time. If the scheduled time is 8, you must arrive before or exactly at 8. 

Anyway, Murad stopped by a chocolate store.

Murad: "Free taste"

Everybody: "Oh free taste daw!". 

We excitedly went inside and tasted each sample.

Alinah: Cyn, 3 for RM100! That's 140 pesos!!

Cyn: Wow, ang mura! *sabay hakot ng chocolates"

At the counter:

Alinah paid. I paid. 

I thought, "wow, ang classy naman ng box, 140 pesos lang. sobrang sulit. I love Malaysia!"

We went back inside the taxi:

Alinah: Cyn, 1,400 pesos pala yun. Narealize ko lang nung nasa counter na tayo. 

So there, Murad robbed us a total of P1,400 for the taxi and robbed me P1,400 for the chocolates! 

7. AIRPORT TERMINAL FEE:

I say, ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES! I was surprised when we didn't pay a terminal fee in both LCCT (Low Cost Carriage Terminal - Malaysia) and Changi Airport - Singapore considering their terminals are way better than ours. 

Anyway, most of the differences listed here boil down to one cause and that is, LACK OF DISCIPLINE. It's no rocket science to figure out that our lack of discipline is what keeps us away from prosperity. Filipinos are smart but then we use it in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons. Most of us use it to fool or take advantage of others. So it's not surprising to know that these differences exist. Anyway, these things are not really new to me or even you. So there's no point in talking more about how Filipinos lack discipline or how corrupted our government is. These things have been an issue for too long a time and I'm afraid it will remain an issue for a much longer time. 

The only advantage we have over them is we smell better and look better... but really, are those the only things we're good at? Smelling good and looking good? Pabanguhan at papogian na lang ba tayo, PNoy? 

Feeling Content

This was a surprise hug from him. lol. Ang payat nimi!

It was around 8:10PM when Gus and I left his friend's apartment along with his huge orange luggage that he had to push all the way to the MRT station. I am not sure how he managed to carry it from Brisbane to Japan to South Korea to Taiwan to Singapore but really Gus, I admire you. :D


Anyway, two hours ago, we told Alinah and Ate Ann to meet us at 8PM and I didn't know that it would take us 25-30 minutes to reach the station where they would meet us. Gus kept on blaming me. "I told you to meet them at 8:30 but you kept saying 8! 8!" xD Maybe if he told me it would take us that long to reach the station, I would have agreed with 8:30. xD

Meanwhile, inside the train:

Gus: "I want to see Alinah's face when she's angry"
Cyn: "No, I don't think you will. She never gets angry. I never saw her got angry".
Gus: "You should tell her you got in trouble with the ticket vending machine and that I had to go through security check"
Cyn: "Well, that will do".

SUCH CONSPIRACY! LOL. xD

Gus: "But this is your fault. You told me we should make them wait"
Cyn: "No, I didn't! I just said, for sure they'll arrive late too". (They're Filipinos. So I know. :p)

Anyway, we arrived at the station at 8:45PM. Alinah and Ate Ann was already there waiting. It was around 9PM when Alinah, Gus and I got to the Skytrain station connecting Changi Airport's terminals 2 and 3. Ate Ann had to go back to her apartment because I stupidly forgot to remind them about my cam's charger. My apologies, Ate Ann. :(

Meanwhile, inside the Skytrain:

Alinah. She made everything possible. :) Thanks, Ali. :)

Ali: "Oh let's play "saw-saw suka"
Alinah demos how the game is played...
Ali: "All you need to do is say is saw-saw suka... then try to catch our fingers.. say "saw-saw suka" (why does this remind me of Dora? xD)
Gus: "Saw-saw suka" (I'm so proud he's done it with such fluency)
Ali: "Mahuli taya"
Gus:  "Cyn, you say it"
Cyn: "You should say it so you'll know when to catch us"
Sa loob-loob ko, "mother of suka! Ang hirap mag-explain!"

I don't know if he was able to say it because we already had to get off the train. We checked our flight schedule. Gus had to go to Terminal 2 and we had to go to terminal 1. We stayed there for a couple of minutes.. took pictures.. and said our goodbyes.

Cyn: "You better find yourself a good girl. Somebody who'll really love you"
Gus: "You know that it's hard right? and besides, I'm not really thinking about that right now"
Cyn: "Just find yourself a good girl."

We hugged... and he kissed my hand twice. That's the very first time a guy kissed my hand. :p

Gus: "We are going to see each other again"
Cyn: "Are you sure about that?"
Gus: "Yes, I am sure"

Then we parted....

He walked as he pushed his huge orange luggage. I walked backwards. I actually looked stupid. There were people around but I didn't care. He looked back... once.... took a few more steps... then twice....

Cyn: "Magkiling ka pa! Magkiling ka pa!"

.....then thrice.

And I turned my back with a huge smile on my face.... feeling content. :)


You can never imagine how it felt when he looked back again. These words will never be enough to describe how I felt, but let me tell you....it's really one of the best feelings in the world! 

I Just Gave the Bitch My Answer

The day I got back from my short but gratifying trip in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore, my dad asked me, "So, what did you earn from your trip? What lesson did you learn? May nai-contribute ba 'yon sayo?" I wasn't able to give him a reply, not because I had nothing to say but because I had a lot to say but I didn't know where to start, so I gave him a smile instead.

One of the many things I learned was that: If you want to make things happen, do not solely rely on fate. You got to act. You might wonder how I arrived at this realization, well, let me tell you how.

My flight from Virac-Manila was scheduled February 8 at 7:30AM. I got to the airport 15 minutes before the scheduled boarding time. It was raining hard and the sky was just too dark. I knew something was not right and I dreaded for something terrible to happen. After I checked my bag in, I had myself seated inside the predeparture area with the other hopeful passengers. I could hear them saying, "Baka ma-cancel ang flight. Nasa taas lang daw 'yung plane. Naghihintay na lang mag-land." I remained calm but I was fervently praying na hindi ma-cancel 'yung flight. Ten minutes after boarding time, they announced that the flight is cancelled. The moment I heard the word "cancel", everything around me went dark. Dumilim talaga 'yung paligid ko. xD I just wanted to burst out crying but I couldn't and all I could mumble was "Mother of Cebu Pacific!" That time, I couldn't believe what was happening. I blankly followed the woman in front of me to retrieve our baggage. I immediately called my mom then my dad. And this was how our conversation went:

Me: Ta, cancelled ang flight. 

Tata: O, ano pang ginagawa mo diyan? Ba't di ka pa umuwi?

That is very typical of my father. I didn't expect he'd offer me consolatory words.
I was speechless for a while.... then....

Me: Tutuloy ako Ta. Magssouthroad ako.

Tata: ^&*#$! Pera lang 'yun Cynthia! 'Yung safety mo ang iniisip namin. 

Me: Tutuloy ako Ta. Ang tagal kong hinintay 'to.

Tata: O sige, bahala ka na. 

Then he hung up. 

That was the first time I stood up for myself to my dad. For 23 years, he always had the final say but that day, nobody could stop me; not even my own father. I knew he'd get angry but what I only cared about that time was going to Manila and taking that plane to Kuala Lumpur with Alinah. And I did. I had my ticket re-booked for the flight the next morning via Legazpi City. I took the ferry boat ride at 1pm, spent the night over and took the plane the next morning. And everything else happened after. 

So you see, if I just gave up and did nothing, I wouldn't be able to arrive in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore. I would miss a lot. So fate does not do all the work, you got to take a shot too. When it seems like everything is conspiring for you not to get what you want, remember you always have two options: either you go and battle against them or simply give up. With the first choice, it would be very gratifying to know that at least you tried even if things eventually don't work out. However with the second choice, that simply ends there.

The hardest part of my trip was violating my father. I got so used to my parents always deciding for me. The course I took, the school I went to in college even the idea of working in KSA are my parents' choice. So that day I thought that it was about time to stand up for myself. And you bet I did. :)

Life tested me whether I really wanted to go or not and I just gave the bitch my answer. 

Because chocolates and flowers are too mainstream.. :D

So I got them instead. :)

A French Connection bikini from my very good friend, Alvaro and Valentine's Day cards from another good friend, Crissy. :)

They are just two of those people who make me feel really special. Thank you so much. :) 

I feel loved. :) 

Dear Fate

Dear Fate,

Two more days to go and I shall set foot on foreign soil. This shall be the first time I bid my country adieu, hence my adventures commence. You very well know the reason why I am going to Kuala Lumpur/Singapore. I am supposed to meet a person who used to be a part of my life. Well, fourth part of him still is and I reckon that unless you permit me to catch sight of him, I will hold on to him with much pain in my heart; with such torture and grief.

by Despina Paramani

You have brought us together, have you not? Now, please help me take away my feelings for him by inducing this sole chance of seeing him. It is closure and perhaps friendship I desire and not reconciliation, if that is what you think my ulterior motive is. I have already accepted that we are poles apart; that we do not belong to each other and that even if I desire to be a part of him, he desires me not.

Fate, with this letter I humbly ask you, why do you let people pierce through each other's lives when you know only too well that they will only fall apart? and how can you allow such misery bechance me over and over again? Is it not enough that my heart, for countless times, has been shattered into pieces that even infinity cannot measure to? Think you I have not learned yet? Well, if there is something I have learned, it is that a heart, once broken, aches and suffers the same amount of pain — too much to bear, too great to fathom — no matter how many times it has managed to heal.

It is for this I beseech you to let us cross each other's paths. He is to me a sweet poison I want to rid myself off. The longer he stays in me, the stronger becomes the force of hatred which bears down on me. I do not want to  detest the man I used to adore. I do not want him to be the recipient of my loathing. For if that happens, the words I have spoken to him and of him shall mean nothing or worse, shall mean the other way supposed.

Fate, though you have cast upon me an immense amount of misery, I am still grateful; for in 13 months, I was happy. You have provided me a person who proved that I was able to love again after three long years of enduring both the joys and pains of solitude.

You probably might ask me, "If you desire so much to meet him, why not write and ask him to meet you?" Aye, but nay. Courage is not on my side as of the moment. I do not have the heart to ask him. I am overwhelmed with pride and much as you say it is stupid to have this pride take over me, it is but my greatest asset. Others will never understand why I say so because to them the demise of our relationship remains unsung. Therefore, you are the only hope I have and I will now put everything in your hands. Fate, do what you do best. Make things happen.

Written hopefully,

Cynthia.